Commitment

The word gives me the heebie-jeebies. I don't know when that started, exactly, but my theory is that it stems from many, many years of not being very good at saying No, and at failing at things I've said Yes to. I've gotten better at No, to other people and to myself, but I've also developed a healthy aversion to saying Yes.

However, I decided at the beginning of this year that my goal for 2011 would be selective commitment with the goal of achieving some actual focus. My first promise was to fitness, which has been an ongoing and often failed commitment for the entire 38 years I've been around. The second was to art, which has also always been around, but something I've been avoiding uncomfortably for the past 15 years or so.

We're almost halfway through the year. My workouts have been lackadaisical and my clothes are still too tight. But my drawings, while still far from good, are getting better.

On Friday I swore to myself that I'm going to be at the size and fitness level that I want to be by the end of the year, and then I'm going to stay there. I started running again. I've been cooking more. I'm keeping it up. I'M GOING TO DO THIS.

Today, for creative encouragement, I've also committed to the #Trust30 Challenge. It's a 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. I'm not a writer, but I want to create. I may focus more on the pictures than the words, but I've been wanting to start blogging again, so this works for both.